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August 31, 2011
Handshake or Hug?
You may not think twice about embracing an old colleague or long-time business partner you see at a conference or work event. But is it professional?
“A lot of professionals are starting to address this, especially females who feel they need to hug to show friendliness,” Tina Hayes, founder of The School of Etiquette and Decorum, tells PINK. She warns that some may view a hug or peck on the cheek in a work setting as inappropriate or worse – harassment.
While Hayes considers herself a hugger in general, when it comes to a work setting, “a person should always present a professional business image, which is a proper handshake,” she says. Worried about coming off cold to
old friends or new acquaintances? “A smile and eye contact with that handshake [will] show you’re friendly.”
If you’re the one who would prefer not to be hugged, Hayes recommends extending your hand immediately when walking up to someone. If they’ve already begun to initiate a hug, “just go through with it,” she advises.
As for the two-handed handshake: “That’s more common in churches or with politicians,” she says. “For some, it represents to the person that you want something from them.”
The Emily Post Institute offers tips on proper handshakes, respecting personal space and other greetings that won’t compromise your professionalism.
Bonus PINK Link: Find out what happens when manners meet technology in our guide to netiquette.
By Brittani Banks
"Good manners have much to do with emotions. To make them ring
true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them." Amy Vanderbilt
*Supporting images from FreeDigitalPhotos.net, tungphoto, photostock and zirconicusso
 
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Comments
Handshakes of hugs?
In addiition to the greeting suggestions and references suggested in this column, it is also very important to consider cultrual nuances in our global business environment. The rules for saying "hello" are quite different from country to country and even region to region. Along with an extended hand, it may be customary to kiss on one or both cheeks in many countries. As diverse as most companies are today, it is valuable for all women leaders to understand the consequrences of their choices...my advice is to learn about and build cross-cultural awareness and sensitivity. Then, make a choice based on the cultural norms, personal preferences, and intent of the message.
Kittie W. Watson, Ph.D.
Innolect Inc.
Handshake or hug?
I'm a male, 56, married happily for 37 years, and a successful management consultant serving the healthcare industry. In this industry, I have come to have lots of wonderful female friends and colleagues. I respect each as a strong leader, and also appreciate each for their warmth and female perspective on issues. I receive and give hugs and cheek kisses to many of them as a symbol of this mutual respect and genuine warmth, which has been built up over the years.
So, I was sad to read today's email from Pink; especially the advice from etiquette expert Tina Hayes. Her "warning" that a hug or peck on the cheek might be viewed as "inappropriate" or "harassment", and her seemingly no-exceptions equating of "professional image" with "a proper handshake", is not what I consider to be very good advice. Why should female leaders sacrifice who they are in order to conform to someone else's model of "professional"?
A hug or kiss on the cheek is an exchange between two people. Of course, one should not presume that the other person would welcome a hug or kiss if you don't know them well. Of course, if you don't really know the person well your actions to initiate a hug or kiss might well be inappropriate or, worse, harassment. But the premise of the article was that you were meeting "an old colleague or business partner at a conference or work event." Under that premise, one would know and use good judgement as to what the other person would be comfortable with... because you know them. Advising that one should administer a "proper handshake" in order to project a "professional image", presumably to please onlookers, borders on de-humanizing the work environment. I'm glad my female colleagues don't subscribe to Ms. Hayes advice; I'm glad that they accept me -- as a I accept them -- as their authentic self.
The article by Julie Gilbert (accessed by clicking "embracing" in the first sentence, but not quoted in the email from Pink) was much better. Pink should have summarized Ms. Gilbert's excellent points in the article to off-set the up-tight views of Ms. Hayes.
How are we ever going to modernize and humanize the corporate world if blogs directed at successful females simply encourage them to act more like men?
Paul Plsek, Roswell, GA
queen of hugs
I am definitely one of those "high I" personality types and hugs just come so natural to me with people i am familiar with...i think i'll try to be more conscientious when in business settings. thanks Pink!
politely refusing a handshake
I have an old injury to my right hand, which makes those power grip handshakes uncomfortable. I would love to see an article address how to professionally "opt out" of a handshake.
Hug vs. Handshake
I find that the hug is becoming more common place among familiar co-workers and counterparts in the business world. After enough interactions to establish a level of familiarity most people automatically move to the hug or kiss on the cheek. I travel for work and also find that it can depend on the region. For the most part you know from prior interactions or body language which form of greeting is acceptable. If you are not sure definitely stick with a handshake.