An interview with Lisa Kaye Rayner, author of Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife

An interview with Lisa Kaye Rayner, author of Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife– by Lydia Grace Martin, Founder of Smile With the Sun

When I sat down to interview Lisa Kaye Rayner, the always fabulous (occasionally late) author of Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife, it was a bit awkward… mostly because she’s my mother.

Yes, I’m in the book. You, or someone you know, is also probably mentioned in a metaphorical sense. From old scars to success, and scary, starry nights—She holds nothing back in this captivating memoir of survival, and the secrets we try to keep.

I saved her life, but she gave me mine. And I’m so happy I was there in her darkest hour. Still, she’s the strongest woman I know, and she speaks from the heart. You should listen…

(well, read technically, but screw semantics).

1. The title Shelf Life of a Trophy Wifeimmediately gets your attention. How did you come up with it? The title came to me while I was sitting in a Starbucks in Brookhaven, GA, pondering what I was going to do next after my third marriage had fallen apart…and I thought about Ecclesiastes 3:1, which states “To everything thing there is a season…” – a time and place and endings that are ever changing. And the question  just came to me- what is the shelf life of a trophy wife?
2. What is the biggest misconception people have about a “trophy wife” and which stereotype makes you laugh the hardest? It depends on your definition of a Trophy Wife. I look at the term as a prize- something to be cherished. All my Trophy Wife friends are very accomplished women in their own right. They are environmental activists, doctors, lawyers, designers, entrepreneurs – with hearts as big as their pocket books. So the term means something different to me than to most people. I guess the stereotype that is the most comical to me is the blonde bimbo in Lululemon, surviving on herbs, air and white wine- but then, those aren’t my Trophy Wives.
3. Was there anything you wrote and immediately thought, “Well, that should make Thanksgiving interesting”? Well, considering that my Mother will not read my memoir – I would have to say everything in my book will raise an eyebrow or two…but probably the one chapter I get the most comments on is Chapter 5- it involves a male babysitter, duck tape and string…
4. Who was the first person you let read the manuscript, and were you sitting beside the phone waiting for them to call? Vikki Locke was the first person I sent the manuscript to (other than my sister Kim); and yes. I was so scared that I had let it out of the family…I hadn’t heard anything from her about the book and I was doubting myself and my work because of it. We were attending an event together and when she saw me across the room she headed directly towards me with the most puzzling look on her face. She came directly to me, held my arms and told me how much she loved the book – and that I was going to make quite the stir in town…so she was the outsider that I let in.
5. How much courage does it take to tell a story that involves marriage, money, status and relationships without hiding behind polite conversation? It’s funny, because I do not feel courageous, yet everyone who has read my book thanks me for my courage and my bravery. I suppose I have distanced myself from those times; and as a true Southern lady, I only engage in polite conversation. That is, unless I am spilling All the sweet tea as I do in Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife.
6. Did anyone recognize themselves in the book who you were secretly hoping would not? I did change most of the names to protect the innocent and the guilty; but yes, people have guessed correctly when I am asked.
7. What part was hardest to write, and what part was almost embarrassingly fun? The hardest part to write was the beginning, which deals with my failed suicide, and the end, which deals with yet another failed relationship. The most embarrassingly fun part was Chapter 5, for obvious reasons.
8. If being a trophy wife came with an employee handbook, what would Rule No. 1 be? Don’t let them see you cry.
   
9. What do women on the outside looking in get completely wrong about lives that appear perfect? There is no such thing as perfection- and Normal is just a setting on the dryer.
   
10. If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of relationship advice, what would it be, and would younger you have listened? Obviously, I am not the one to go to for relationship advice. I am a true romantic and I believe in love. And No, unfortunately I have always led with my heart.
    
11. Which requires better negotiating skills: marriage, divorce, motherhood or getting a book published? All of the above.
12. Finish this sentence: You should read Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife if you’ve ever __________.  Thought the grass was always greener in someone else’s yard.

Shelf Life of a Trophy Wife is available on Amazon and wherever good books are sold.