Balance: an Everyday Battle

“How do I balance it all?” asked Leanne. “I am at the crux of my future in law school – the top of my class, working for an amazing judge, and yet I am not sure how to balance it all if I want it all.” Well, guess who Leanne is? Only one of the most polished, educated, articulate and promising law students I have ever met. Working in a courtroom on Constitution Hill in Johannesburg, South Africa, she is one of those who I believe could chart her course as a Supreme Court Justice or a top attorney on any continent. And why should she be concerned? The future is truly hers; she should be able to make it what she wants it to be.

I can’t even quantify how many people ask about how to balance career, family, warmth – not to mention the addition of your own passion, self and feminine being.

Well, I’m convinced that there is no silver bullet. No simple answer. No easy way to break it all down. You know exactly what I’m talking about – hanging on a cell phone call after you get home and having your spouse’s or partner’s heart sink when you tell him in three different hand gestures when this call will end, or checking your e-mail during a vacation with someone special. You’re cringing, aren’t you? Let me guess: You’ve lodged each of these incidents in that black box in your heart and mind of regret (at least that’s what I’ve done). Maybe you’ve even lost something – or worse, someone – because of an unbalanced decision. Ouch.

The solution, for me, is threefold:

1. Clearly determine what is most important in your life, in rank order. For me, it’s spirituality, health, family and career, in that order. Without spirituality, my reason for being is meaningless, I lack grounding and life seems to blow in the wind. Without my health (including exercise), I lose energy, confidence and willingness to take it all on, not to mention joy and my warmth with others. Without my family, I lose my sense of being loved and loving back. The funny thing is that if I have all of the first three in check, the fourth just happens. And it happens because I am as healthy (both emotionally and physically), happy and energetic as I could possibly be, which comes through without my even saying anything. (I know you might be thinking that some of this sounds very much like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, clicking her red sequined heels three times. Wahoo. We might as well pick some daisies and put them in a nice vase and bake some warm chocolate chip cookies. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking! Keep reading…

2. Realize that balance requires daily management. Sometimes, staying for that 5:30 p.m. meeting simply has to happen. But don’t do that every day. Maybe you politely decline to participate, or have a colleague participate on your behalf, or even make yourself available by phone. And when you have to make tough sacrifices, make sure you don’t forego other priorities in place of the decision. Some days, you might have to get it all done in small tidbits, like little Hershey’s Kisses (and each one is oh so good!). It’s a balancing act – and it’s up to you to make it happen.

3. Implement an insurance policy, a close network of people from different parts of life (career, spiritual, fitness, career, etc.) who know you well and who will hold you accountable if they sense you are getting lost in the treadmill of it all. I’m betting they’ll be delighted to help you!

So, back to Leanne. My advice to her: “Shoot for the stars, girl. You can have it all and you deserve it all. However, know that it can never be all one over the others. It is a daily project and it requires discipline and give and take.”

Unfortunately, it’s like losing weight. You might want to lose 20 pounds, but then rationalize how much you deserve a slice of carrot cake every time you see one. And how does that grand plan work out in losing the weight? Need I say more? Go for it!

By Julie Gilbert