Black Love: Is it Different?

I’ve been asked this question too many times to count by both black men and women and non-black men and women. Ultimately, the answer is yes. So, what is so different about black love you may be asking. Well, let me first say that when I say black, I am primarily speaking about African-American relationships between men and women.

Some might say, love is love regardless of who you love right? I have a different perspective on the issue and have had several conversations with my “sisterfriends” about the topic. We laugh, joke, sometimes cry or complain about “our” love, but at the end of the day, one thing is for sure, Black Love is unique.

Here are a few of the most frequent comments I hear about black love relationships:

1. Our history is rich with systematic roadblocks that have prevented us from loving fully and openly.

2. Our men were once taken away from the families leaving women to raise children alone thus preventing the necessary modeling of a loving relationship for our children.

3. Black men face more societal challenges than do other men.

4. Black women tend to have more academic and economic opportunities than do black men thus creating a strain on the traditional role of a man taking care of his woman and family, thus hindering the love relationship.

You may be wondering why these historical issues keep re-surfacing and how they relate to our love relationships. Unfortunately, that is a very loaded question and possibly a whole new blog post, but what I can say for sure is, despite the unique challenges Black Love is beautiful, rich, passionate, resourceful and resilient. I could spout out statistics on the state of Black America or the peril of Black Men in America, but many of you already know that and for those who don’t, start paying attention to what is going on in the world. The following section may shed some light on the situation.

With the recent attention on the “alleged discrimination” that occured in Philadelphia surrounding not allowing the children of color to return to the pool on the second day, I must say this is the backdrop as to why black love is certainly different. Even in 2009, our society is still struggling with race and equality. More specifically, African American women face “double jeopardy” meaning they deal with discrimination based on gender and race. After a hard day at work and possible discrimination on the job, she has to come home dust herself off and be a loving wife and mother. Black men often face the same challenges in the same day, a day of being in the world and being often perceived as the “dangerous, aggressive, black man.” He too must dust himself off and come home and be a loving father and husband. Can you imagine the strain that puts on a love relationship?

It happens everyday. More than people want to believe. In addition to that, black couples have to then deal with the pains and struggles their black children face in the world such as with the Philadelphia pool story. Black love is complex, resilient… but beautiful!

Black love is differently unique. While it may be laced with a legacy of racism, discrimination, internalized racism, sexism, etc. Black people have survived, are surviving and thriving to be the best mothers, fathers and lovers they can be despite the societal circumstances.

I honor and appreciate all the black couples in the world who are fighting for their relationships and keeping hope and love alive in the black community.

By Catrice Jackson