Bosom Buddy or Weak Tie?

Hope that title caught your attention, because I’m going to use this post to confront one of the major differences between the way men and women network. It lies in the concept of the “weak tie.” Here’s what I first read about the concept.

“Leaders who are good networkers like to help other people. They are the connectors…They master what sociologist Mark Granovetter calls the ‘weak tie,’ a friendly yet casual social connection.” Robin Gerber from Leadership the Eleanor Roosevelt Way.

“Weak ties! Ah ha,” I thought. “So this is how men are able to meet someone at a Little League game, golf tournament or conference; have no contact for months or years and then out of the blue call to ask for help with something. What a sensible way to think about contacts. I don’t have to turn everyone I meet into a “bosom buddie” (or what I less shockingly call a “strong bond”).”

We can have contacts that fall into two categories and somewhere in between:

• Weak Tie: friendly, yet casual social connection.
• Strong Bond: deep friendship and personal connection.

Many women I know just don’t feel comfortable being asked for help or asking for help from someone who falls into the “weak tie” category. Take for example, a friend of mine who called to vent about the fact that a man with whom she hadn’t talked in 3 years asked for her help in finding a job. She was offended that he had the audacity to ask. If you would have responded like she did, my advice is to think outside your paradigm. Here’s how I helped her rethink his request. Instead of being insulted by it, I suggested she think of it as an honor and think of her assistance as building a bank of goodwill on which she could draw in the future.

Each of us is blessed by the “strong bonds” we have in our lives. At the same time we don’t have time to turn every contact into a new “strong bond.” By being open to friendly, yet casual connections (weak ties), we increase our opportunity to develop strong, vibrant networks.

Network ON!
By Susan Colantuono