Consent Can’t Be Political

Soon, the kids will be back home from college and after the holidays, you’ll be packing their suitcase/bags for college.  If your young adult is a girl, she knows the drill, but you’re going to tell her anyway, just like everyone has her whole life.  “Watch the bartender make your drink, or make it yourself.” “Keep an eye on your drink.”  “If you put your cup down, do not drink from it again.”  “Don’t get alone with a boy or group of boys you don’t know.”  “Tell your girlfriends where you are at all times.”

Now turn it around.  You’re packing your son’s or your nephew’s or your little brother’s bags.  Does he know the drill, or nobody really told him?:  “Be respectful to the girls that come.”  “Don’t let anyone mess with a girl’s drink.”  “Make a girl’s drink sensibly.”  “Don’t run trains.”  “Report anybody that takes advantage of a girl.”  “Don’t take advantage of a girl, period.”

It’s no secret that most college frat houses are not the safest place for young women.  Before packing the trunks and sending girls to college, there’s the typical party smart conversation. What’s wrong with this picture? We tell girls all these things that they should do to protect themselves from dangerous situations, like the increasing cases of college date rape.  But when was the last time you heard someone give a boy the party smart conversation?  When a young woman is raped on a college campus, more focus is on making sure the rapist is protected because “He’s still just a kid,” or “He’s young and could have his life ruined.”  But in the same breath, we penalize the girl for not watching her drinking because “She is an adult and should know her limit.”  Forbes writer Bill Frezza is currently under fire for his offensive online article (which was promptly removed) stating that “drunk women will ruin fraternities” due to the multiple charges in addition to rape that a fraternity can face simply by admitting them into frat houses.  I have a lot to say about this, but for the sake of sticking to the topic at hand I will simply say that he must not have daughters, nieces, or sisters.  I would rather not waste print on yet another misogynist.

Colleges and universities across the country, particularly campus fraternities, lay in danger of facing a lot of trouble due to mishandling cases of on-campus sexual assault.  According to the Washington Post, the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights is demanding a closer look at federal regulation Title IX, a constitutional prohibition of gender discrimination in schools receiving federal funding.  Backed by the Obama administration, this is the first time in American history that schools have been called into investigation on this matter.  While some institutions under investigation attest to be working to bring this issue to the forefront on their campuses, others chose to decline commentary.  Raising awareness and educating students seems to be the way these places of higher education choose to solve this problem.  Knowledge is power, right?  But what about the root of the problem?  The rapists themselves and their mentality, this is how allegations of breaking Title IX should be handled.

First, Title IX, campuses, and communities need to redefine the terms of consensual sex.  If a girl says “No,” even once, intoxicated or sober, then the young man in question should not go to bed with her under any circumstances.  The end.  College and frat boys finding themselves in trouble (or out of trouble in this case) rests with the universities failing to make the rules non-negotiable.

And why do campuses do this?  Let’s not forget that colleges are businesses, and their number one concern is funding to upkeep their good name.  It’s all political.  Women were hardly even allowed to vote until the 1900s.  Comparing 100 years of movement towards women’s rights to nearly 2000 years of raising misogynist mentality, institution’s falling short is not surprising.  Since the days of King Arthur and the Round Table, everything has evolved around a boys club—i.e. what America has tried to create with fraternities and colleges.  Without the brotherhood, it’s all in shambles.  This age-old mentality, the brotherhood as the central force of order, creates a social hierarchy and places operations in the best interests of the boys club—the male, the white, the wealthy.  With America’s classic Ivy Leagues and party schools originally dominated by young men on the Title IX investigation list (Harvard Law, Emory University, Vanderbilt, Darthmouth, Princeton, Arizona State, and others), it’s no surprise that the favoritism has come into play in any situation.  These institutions will cater to the typical male agenda—beer, football, fraternities.  With a school that is built around and originally tailored to men, of course our young women will not find equilibrium when they report sexual misconduct to campus authorities.  And this provides gateway for more problems in female representation on college campuses.  Because of campuses’ mishandlings when the boys clubs are tied into sexual violence against these young women, they fail to regard that this destroys their self-esteem and stifles their incentive to assert themselves as assets to the institution.  In turn of these events, young women shy away from speaking with professors one-on-one, failing to get the help they made need to drive that GPA from a 3.8 to a 4.0.  They steer clear of clubs and organizations, limiting their networking and leadership opportunities that will be beneficial come time for graduate/professional school and job applications.  They don’t visit the career center to find internships or research projects that will pad up their resumes.  Then graduation comes, and instead of starting out as the executive’s assistant positions they could have potentially qualified for, they find themselves in the mail room.

Society often tends to dismiss cases like these when they transpire within the padded realms of youth and college life.  Even after saying, “Protect yourself,” or even “Keep it in your pants,” society in the same breath is just as guilty as these institutions for failure to strictly educate young people against sexual violence.  If we want to help the college world by educating them, we have to call it what it is and give them the full story.  “Don’t do it,” is not enough.  Tell them why and get deep.  Sweeping under the rug and dismissing them as dumb kid squabbles will not help them after graduation.  Not only this, but it cripples young women once they hit the work force.  They won’t ask for a raise or push for promotions.  Then the gender pay gap we have been fighting for since Rosie the Riveter turned out to be a facade remains at the same standstill it’s sat in since 2003.  Again, it gets all political.  But consent should not.  And maybe that’s the problem.