Deborah Norville – Author, Emmy Award-Winning Anchor

This journalist literally wrote the book on respect.

By Taylor Mallory

Deborah Norville is the Emmy-award winning anchor of Inside Edition, the nation’s longest-running syndicated news magazine show with roughly 5 million daily viewers, a best-selling author and creator of the new yarn line, The Deborah Norville collection by Premier Yarns. So how did navigate a career that made her a household name? Respect – also the secret to her 22-year marriage and happy home life.

“I live in New York, the land of rudeness, but you see it everywhere,” says Norville, author of the new book, The Power of Respect: Benefit from the Most Forgotten Element of Success. “At the airport, there’s a guy with 17 bags who pushes his way to the front of the line in such a hurry he hits little old ladies and kids in the head. I’m standing there with my mouth hanging open, thinking, ‘As far as I can tell, he’s going to land at exactly the same time I am.'”

So why write the book? Norville says she used to think people would “do the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do” – but she’s given up that philosophy. “But people will do the right thing when they see what’s in it for them. So I thought maybe I could make a case for what’s in it for people to be respectful. I wanted to know if there was hard scientific proof, irrefutable, double-blind studies that proved this. And I was amazed how much there was.”

Here she talks about fostering respect at work and home.

PINK: How do you get respect at home?
Deborah Norville: There are some relatively new psychological new findings that for every four positive behaviors you reward, you can throw in one corrective behavior and get someone to respond. For example I have three children, from a freshman in college to a 12-year-old, so I have messy teenagers in my house. If I nag them about their rooms all the time, they’re not going to be very responsive and they’re going to get really frustrated with me. But if I say, “Thanks for taking your laundry to the laundry room without being asked,” and, “You did a really great job with this particular chore the other night,” then you can say, “Will you please take make your bed before you leave in the morning?” And they’ll do it.

PINK: What about with your husband?
D.N.: This is the area where it matters most for most of us. You need peace at home. The world will wear you down. Home should be where you can recharge. Many of us are really nice to the person at the check-out counter in the supermarket. We feel good about ourselves for that, but then come home and notice that the garbage wasn’t taken out and get really angry before we even discuss it our significant others. Maybe he got an emergency call from work and had to jump in the car immediately. Maybe he was the hero of the day, and then you jump him the minute he walked in the house. He goes on the defensive, and one of you has to leave and go to Costco for retail therapy. I’ve been happily married for 22 years, and respect is a foundation of our relationship. It’s about listening and knowing how to ask questions rather than just assuming. And knowing how to ask questions to find out what your partner needs. I was talking to a therapist for this book who talked about the early days of her marriage. When her husband came in the door, she wanted to be a good, supportive wife, so she’d ask him a million questions about how his day was. This is what her mom used to do when she was a girl, and she loved it. But he needed a few minutes to decompress when he came home and wanted to ring her neck when she couldn’t shut up. These are things to ask about, learn what each other need to be happy and figure out what you can give and take. You can introduce topics like this by saying, “I read a really interesting article the other day about. XYZ. What do you think?” And when you need to address a lack of respect on his part, remember to reward positive behavior first and be as non-confrontational as possible.

PINK: How is respect an important leadership skill?
D.N.: There are three things all workers want, and all are ways to show respect. First, they want a sense they can advance in their careers. If you thought you were going to have to do the same job for the rest of your life, you wouldn’t be very motivated. Second, they want to be recognized for their efforts. It doesn’t cost anything but knowing your hard work has been acknowledged makes workers more creative and more apt to go the extra mile. And there’s a ripple effect. When one employee sees another get some meaningful acknowledgement, they want to do the same thing. And finally, employees want to feel they have a voice and that their opinions are welcomed and at least considered. A manager would have to be an idiot not to do these things that could save thousands of dollars per year per employee in unnecessary lawsuits, less turnover and more innovation. Wrongful termination and other employment lawsuits have increased dramatically over the last 20 years. Experts say it’s not usually because someone wants to stick in to the man or get money. More often it’s about feeling like they were treated unfairly. Terminated employees are 300 percent less likely to sue if they feel their feelings have at least been considered.

PINK: How do you foster a culture of respect in your office?
D.N.: It starts at the top with the CEO and leaders of teams. And you have to walk the walk. For example, Anne Moore, chairman and CEO of Time Inc., recently went through a challenging time with her company, with major layoffs and reorganization. She realized just how much pressure was on her senior managers when she sent them invitations to a private breakfast and many of them were so overwhelmed they never even saw the e-mail to RSVP. So she created e-mail rules to help – like not using auto-reply and forbidding e-mail on the weekends unless it’s communication about a breaking news story. That is so respectful! And she came up with a new way to motivate and grow the employees who are left. Magazines aren’t growing right now. So she said until Ford starts calling to buy ads again so she can build externally, she will build internally by investing in her team. She started Time Inc. University, where top execs teach small classes on different topics. She personally teaches one to employees with less than five years at the company on team-building.

PINK: What are your professional success secrets?
D.N.: I swear I’m not saying this to sell more books, but it’s respect as well as gratitude. When I do radio interviews to promote Inside Edition, the hosts tells me I’m the only journalist who ever sends them thank-you notes. In any job, I’ve always been keenly aware that someone had taken a chance to give me the opportunity. So it’s imperative to me that person never regrets hiring me. And I have a strong work ethic. I think hard work and a thirst for knowledge will get your farther than innate intelligence. If you don’t know, you can find out.

PINK: Any Life/Work balance tricks?
D.N.: Doing what is right for you and your family and not caring what anyone else thinks. I left CBS News when my second child was going to be born. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do everything that job and my family needed me to do to be great at both roles. So I went to Inside Edition. Some pundits attacked me and said I was sacrificing integrity by moving networks. I didn’t care what they said. I have three amazing children who I am so proud of, a long marriage and a great career. I would die without my BlackBerry. And I work on a calendar system so everything is done in advance. By Labor Day weekend, Halloween costumes are bought. I’ve purchased all my Christmas gifts by Thanksgiving and mailed them to the out-of-town people by that weekend. I want to enjoy the holidays. My husband goes shopping every year on Christmas Eve and comes home frustrated because he couldn’t find what he was looking for. Well duh.

PINK: What do you do to relax and rejuvenate yourself?
D.N.: I knit or read. In gardening season, I’ll walk through the yard and pull or clip something.