Four Tips for Keeping The Fire in Your Relationship

Having sex after divorce is like going to the dentist: before getting there, you worry about suffering… but when you come out you’re all giggles. But, what do you do when your relationship has gone vanilla? And, whether you’ve been married for 25 years or newly single, very high up or a working woman, it’s a question I hear all the time. I know it’s hard to have the same pizzazz you did when you first met your partner, but you need to get the relationship on track, and more importantly keep it that way. Otherwise, it’s like a fish swimming upstream, it’s hard to get it back.

So, the key is to not let it get that far gone in the first place. You’ll see articles about having date night, dressing up in sexy lingerie, men doing chores for the women, that all lead up to a kinky night of hot sex. In reality, none of us are going to do this. And if we do, it’s a one in 365 day-kind-of-thing. Instead follow these four tips for keeping the fire in your relationship:

Provide Daily Affirmations
In my mind, giving your partner affirmation should be a daily thing. Don’t be afraid to leave them fun love notes, sext a picture or fun meme in the middle of the day. Even something as simple as a text that says “missing you” or “love you hottie” can help to rekindle a romance. The goal should be to make your partner smile, feel good and have them thinking about you all day.

Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Anger
Fighting with a loved one is normal. In fact, fights can help partners grow together in their relationship. So, when arguments arise be quick to listen, slow to anger and always put yourself in your partners shoes. This will give you a different perspective, help foster healthy conversation and hopefully a positive resolution. Otherwise one unresolved fight can morph into more, create resentment from your partner and potentially lead to the demise of your relationship.

Don’t Let Life Become a Distraction
We all have days that are hectic. It’s important not to let life interfere, destroy the passion in your relationship and push you and your partner apart. So, when you’re together, be mindful of the opportunities you have to be affectionate with things like hugs, kisses or even a smack on the ass. Constantly creating excitement and that butterflies sensation is the key to keeping your partner wanting more and the passion alive.

Sexual Chemistry Matters
A girl said to a guy, “It’s about two people, with amazing bodies, sharing those bodies with each other.” It made me think, having crazy chemistry with someone sexually, is rare but it exists. And, when you find it  appreciate it because there is nothing better than having someone blow your mind. It’s when people feel unappreciated or not attractive anymore, that they decide to look elsewhere for someone that makes them feel alive. And when you have no sex drive for your spouse anymore, it’s hard to relight that spark.

All relationships are difficult. Don’t ever regret what has happened in your past. You can’t change it, or forget it, so use it as a lesson learned and move on. If you’re going to have the best relationship possible, open up your heart and your mind. Take the leap and be open to trying something new with your partner.

By Jenna Leigh, relationship expert and author of Faking the “O”

Jenna Leigh is the author of Faking the “O”, a tell all book that takes you inside her unique dating struggles as a flight-attendant, and offers advice to newly single women on navigating today’s modern dating scene. She is a single mom of two active children. Jenna resides, and dates, in Arizona.