Every woman leader knows the scaries. With the pace of change and uncertainty accelerating, our ability to remain curious, calm, and focused during disruption has become more important than ever.There are the “everyday” scaries.They creep in right before a big presentation, during a tough negotiation, or when your child starts to struggle in school just as you step into a bigger role.The scaries whisper:

  • “Do I really belong here?”
  • “What if I fail?”
  • “How can I possibly handle all of this without sacrificing myself?”

We don’t talk about it enough, but these silent questions take up real estate in our nervous system. They drain creativity, dampen innovation, and keep too many brilliant women from leading with their full power.For years, I heard those whispers, too.But nothing tested me more than the day I heard the words: “You have breast cancer.”

When Crisis Meets Calm

It was the kind of moment that throws most into survival mode. Instead, I met the diagnosis with calm, curiosity, and focus. Not because I’m superhuman — but because I had trained my mind and nervous system to face uncertainty differently.I didn’t drown in fear. I stayed curious: What is this here to teach me?

I didn’t spiral into worst-case scenarios. I stayed focused: What is the outcome I want and what can I influence right now?I didn’t believe the thoughts my mind was offering me. What are the empowering, supportive thoughts I want to think?That shift didn’t just help me through cancer. It’s the same shift that helps leaders face boardroom battles, tough transitions, or balancing competing priorities at home and work.After treatment, I didn’t just return to “normal.” I moved across the country with an unwavering sense of trust that I would be okay, and began building a coaching business and a life that fully reflects who I am and the unique value I bring to the world. That wasn’t a strategy move — it was an identity shift.

Why the Scaries Show Up

I’m often asked how I was able to choose faith over fear in the face of a life-threatening diagnosis. The “how” is in your nervous system.The scaries aren’t proof you’re broken. They’re your nervous system doing its job: flagging uncertainty as danger. But here’s the catch — if you let your biology run unchecked, you stay trapped in old identities: the people-pleaser, the perfectionist, the “good soldier” who fits in but never fully thrives. You spend your time worrying about worst-case scenarios instead of focusing on the outcomes you really want. It does its best to make sure you stay in the old identity.When you are in “fight or flight” mode, your prefrontal cortex — the very part of your brain you need most for rational thinking during a crisis — gets shut down, preparing you to rely on instincts to get out of danger.Transformation happens when you learn to work with your nervous system so you can make different choices that are aligned with the version of you who thrives regardless of what’s going on around you. Because lasting change doesn’t come from trying harder — it comes from evolving your identity.

The Reframe: Challenge as Growth Opportunity

One of my teachers said: the bigger the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth. I believe that because I’ve lived it. Cancer wasn’t just something to “get through.” It cracked open the possibility of a new identity — one rooted in self-trust, resilience, and freedom.Your challenges — in the boardroom or in life — carry that same invitation. They ask: Who will you become on the other side of this?

What You Can Do to Shift Your Response to The Scaries

  • Pause and Notice. Become aware of when you’ve shifted into survival mode. Check your thoughts and your body for clues. Does my mind feel scattered? Does my chest feel tight? This is not the time to “push through.”
  • Meet Yourself with Compassion. Remind yourself that this is a normal biological response to what your mind perceives as a threat. Self-judgment only makes it worse.
  • Regulate. Take a few moments to regulate your nervous system. Choose a practice to move the emotion through your body, like grounding, dancing, or walking. One of my go-to’s for immediate calm is “box breathing.” Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 4, out for 4, then hold for 4 at the bottom. Repeat this 3X.
  • Challenge Your Thoughts. Question the truth of the thoughts in your mind. Remember, your mind automatically produces 60–70,000 thoughts per day. Ninety-five percent are repetitive, based on conditioning and past experience. Of those, 75% are negative, because part of the survival instinct is a negativity bias. To create different outcomes, you can intentionally choose your thoughts.
    • Replace “I don’t know if I’m ready for this” with “I trust myself and I can learn what I don’t know.”
    • Replace “What if I don’t get better?” with “My body is healthy and healing.”
    • Replace “I’ll never get promoted” with “I didn’t get this promotion.”
  • Claim the Identity. Instead of waiting for results to prove you’re confident, innovative, or bold — embody it now. Act from that identity today, and your future begins to align around it.

Adopting regular practices to quiet the noise of the outside world helps keep the scaries at bay. It’s like training at the gym — putting in the reps makes it easier to face challenges when they arise. Some proven practices are mindfulness meditation, walking, being in nature, yoga, etc. Have fun and discover what works best for you.In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear shares the concept of “1% better every day” to illustrate how compounding small, consistent daily improvements can lead to significant, exponential growth over time.

The New Power Move

The ability to stay calm and focused during disruption, or any transformation, isn’t about willpower or quick fixes. It’s about identity. When you shift who you believe yourself to be — in the boardroom and in life — the scaries lose their grip.Because at the end of the day, the question isn’t just “Can I get through this?” It’s:
“Who am I becoming because of this?”The scaries may knock. But they don’t get to decide.Your identity does.
“Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity.” — Albert Einstein
By Sheila EggertSheila Eggert is an author, TEDx speaker, and mindset transformation coach who guides leaders to break free from limiting patterns and step into powerful, visionary success — both at work and in life. Through her 38 years as a leader in corporate leadership development and her personal journey, she discovered the science of transformation that empowers her clients to experience tangible results and lasting professional and personal success.

 

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