Ladies, let’s talk about non-negotiables—those must-haves that keep you sane, successful and shining in the boardroom and beyond. Think of it as the secret sauce for thriving in the whirlwind of executive life. When we know our non-negotiables, we’re no longer scrambling to please everyone or put ourselves last while building a foundation for greatness.
Deanne Stewart, CEO of Aware Super, a $176 billion pension fund and business school classmate who I interviewed for my forthcoming book, The 9 Points of Potential, knows first-hand how valuable it can be to establish and share one’s non-negotiables.
Deanne embodies the modern woman executive who’s able to balance ambition with values, purpose and a commitment to creating a positive impact. Her leadership journey offers a masterclass in defining and protecting one’s non-negotiables, a skill she says has been critical for her to thrive in her high-stakes role. Two of her non-negotiables include what I call, Doing the Right Thing and Stress Relief. These priorities shape her decisions, enabling her to lead with clarity and purpose.
As an example of how she commits to Doing the Right Thing, Deanne joined the Conscious Capitalism movement to advocate for stakeholder value over shareholder gain, proving that businesses can thrive without compromising integrity. As an example of prioritizing Stress Relief, Deanne has also implemented innovative policies at her company to help all employees reduce stress. This includes daily meeting-free hours, reserving Friday mornings for “thinking time,” and incentives to encourage employees to take restorative vacations. These policies earned her recognition from The Sydney Morning Herald as a forward-thinking leader reshaping workplace culture.
She’s not the only one who values taking ownership of one’s crucial needs. The Deloitte Women at Work Report 2023 found thirty percent of women surveyed felt they lacked flexibility and cited this as their key reason for leaving the workplace; followed by work/life balance (19%) and the lack of opportunities to learn (13%) and advance their careers (12%). Organizations are paying attention to what working women want. They key is to identify and ask for it.
Here are 5 Steps to the fine art of owning your needs:
Step 1: Knowing Thyself—What Are Non-Negotiables Anyway?
Non-negotiables are those critical-to-happiness essentials that fuel the fire and keep working women productive and in high gear. They’re not the universal basics like respect, safety or fair compensation. Non-negotiables are unique to everyone; often a little tricky for others to fully understand. Leadership experts agree, personal must-haves take into account our quirks, motivators and specific needs in order to thrive. Here are some examples:
Whatever your non-negotiables are, Deanne suggests owning them unapologetically. What fuels your fire? Define it, protect it and let this propel you toward greatness.
Step 2: Protecting Top Non-Negotiables
Let’s get real. As women, we sometimes hesitate to ask for what we need. Many women leaders say success starts with clearly identifying non-negotiables and having the courage to ask for them. Because, spoiler alert: No one else is going to prioritize our happiness. It’s up to each of us.
Example: One leader I worked with says she thrives on fun, freedom and opportunities to innovate without micromanagement. She conjured up the courage to tell her boss and team that these aren’t “nice-to-haves” but “must-haves” to do her best work. She found this to be a game-changer.
Step 3: Coaching Others on What You Need
People aren’t mind readers (shocking, right?). Once we’re clear about non-negotiables, it helps to share these with those we work with, colleagues, bosses and family members, so they can
offer support.
Pro Tip: Leaders who do this effectively often frame it as a win-win. For example, “When I have uninterrupted focus time in the mornings, I’m able to deliver higher-quality work by the afternoon.” The idea is to share how this benefits everyone.
Step 4: The Power of “No”
This harkens back to several recent Pink articles on the topic of “No”. It goes without saying, protecting non-negotiables means setting boundaries. This is the permission slip to say “No” to things that drain energy or steer us away from our purpose.
Pro Tip: We’ve seen how leaders successfully simply say, “I don’t have capacity for that right now, but thank you for thinking of me.”
Step 5: Watching Your Potential Unfold
Those who establish and implement non-negotiables often notice they’re better able to show up as their best and brightest, not their burnt-out version running on fumes.
As Gallup revealed after surveying over 100,000 business units, when we have the opportunity to show up as our unique selves every day, we are 38% more likely to be highly productive, 44% more likely to earn high client satisfaction scores, and 50% more likely to be retained.
CEO Deanne Stewart learned early on at the helm that: “The whole organization can smell when there’s disharmony…” That’s why so many leaders have found that we owe it, not only to ourselves, but to the whole organization to be true to ourselves and create a culture that allows others to do the same.
Success Mantra: When I thrive, the organization and everyone else benefits too.
“Your time is limited; don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” — Steve Jobs
By Ingrid Stabb
Ingrid Stabb, Yale MBA and author of the forthcoming book The 9 Points of Potential (Penguin Random House August 2025), helps professionals unlock their workplace strengths through an innovative enneagram-based approach. Her strategies boost productivity, enhance communication, and foster collaboration by aligning emotional intelligence with team dynamics. Stabb empowers leaders and teams to harness their unique talents for high-impact results. For team-building workshops or executive leadership typing interviews.
Contact Ingrid.stabb@
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