As I continue on this journey of knowledge related to the feminine brain, I have learned quite a few things and engaged in some great conversations with other women about the topic (live and virtual). During a Facebook thread, a question was posed about “why people should or shouldn’t take everything said to them personal.” This one post led into a 30 plus responses from various women as they sounded off on the issue at hand.
1. Women can act like “girls” and be stigmatized for it however men can act like “boys” and it appears to be accepted.
2. Women want equality in this arena, i.e. they want guys to behave more like men in general.
3. Women must be accountable for “the girl within” and work to create a balance between the “girl” and the “woman.”
Let me back up and explain what I mean by girl versus woman. Think back to your grade school and high school days. Recall the memories and incidents when you or other girls participated in the “mean girl” games. You know what I am talking about, the gossiping, snickering, leaving certain girls out, judging and classifying other girls, cliques against cliques etc. I believe we all know and have either been the victim or perpetrator in these types of games. Now, think about how the victims must have felt and how nasty and emotionally draining this type of behavior was. Those were girl behaviors. Now hopefully, you have graduated from the school of girlhood and emerged into a woman.
A woman? A woman is confident in her own skin, she is satisfied with who she is despite her titles and credentials. She doesn’t take everything personally, knows her core values, lives by them and treats other with kindness and respect. What a woman wears, what she looks like and whether she is pretty or not does NOT matter to a woman, because a woman see’s the souls of other women not their outwardly definitions. I could continue, but you get the picture. A woman does not play those school girl games.
These mean girl games show up in our lives and careers still today. If you’ve recently said or thought “Who does she think she is?” you may still have traces of “girl” flowing through your veins. The little princess (girl) inside wants all the attention, gets emotional when things don’t go her way, pouts and maybe even cries at the drop of a hat, thinks the world should revolve around her, etc. The little princess wants the best barbie, has to be the mommy or teacher when playing games, gets jealous when her friends play with other friends – and the scenarios continue.
Okay, to the point. Who wants to be around someone like the little princess? Who wants to hire or promote her? Who wants to date her? Who wants to be on her team? I’m going out on a limb here, but I would say, no one!
I conducted a national online survey to hear what women across the country thought about the girl versus woman issue and here were some interesting comments.
Question: Is there a difference between girl mentality and woman mentality? All of the respondants said, Yes!
Yes, a woman can handle responsibility, is giving and kind, using her mouth to give wisdom, not grief. A woman is mature, and a girl still acts like the world revolves around her needs alone.
Yes, a real woman is comfortable with herself. She does not need, nor does she care about the opinions of others who do not play a major role in her life. She refuses to take on other peoples baggage.
The survey revealed other great insights, but what was most interesting is that women from diverse backgrounds completed this survey. Therefore as I expected, the girl games exist across culture, race and ethnicity. What is it ladies? Why do some women get stuck in this syndrome?
The “girl” syndrome especially hurts the woman living in those shoes and those in her circle as well. I’ve encountered such women and they were young, older, from all socioeconomic backgrounds, religions, races and ethnicities. Yes, the “girl syndrome” is universal I believe. As I continue my research, surveys, dialogue and discussions on the issue I’ll be sure to keep you informed.
In the meantime, I would love to hear how you have escaped the girl syndrome and are living life on your own terms as a whole woman. Share your story or comments with me!
By Catrice Jackson
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