How High is Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

“The ability to recognize and understand emotions and the skill to use this awareness to manage self and the relationships with others.” – Emotional Intelligence (Goleman, 1995).

For years the focus has been on how “book smart” people are, how high they score on the ACT test, whether or not they have a college degree, and a long list of other academic related criteria. Times are changing and we are realizing intelligence comes in many wonderful forms. Emotional intelligence is one form that fascinates me. Even before I knew what it really was, I knew I had a keen ability to sense the emotions of others and respond to them in a way that calmed, soothed and validated what they were feeling. Recently, I took an emotional intelligence test and discovered that what I thought to be true about me was in fact so.

Understanding and exhibiting high levels of emotional intelligence is a life and career asset that many have yet to tap into. Emotional intelligence affords you opportunities to connect and engage on a deeper level. This is especially true when building cross-cultural relationships. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own worlds thus preventing us from really hearing, understanding and validating the experiences of others, especially those who may be different than us.

We must be mindful every day and in every human engagement to turn up the volume of our Emotional Intelligence so that we do not miss moments to connect on a deeper level. We all are different in one way or another. We look different, speak different, value and appreciate different things and experience different points of view thus giving each of us our own unigue “reality.” Having high levels of emotional intelligence allows us to tune into these differences in a way that allows other people’s “reality” to be appreciated and valued.

Our reality is our reality. simply put. It is not wrong, odd or strange it is just different. When engaging with someone who is different pay attention to what they are saying, how they respond, the words they choose to express themselves and the body language that really speaks volumes to the message they wish to convey. In those subtle behaviors you can really hear and see where people are coming from. The emotionally intelligent person will be able to pick up on the feelings/emotions hidden beneath the words and use that awareness to either make or break a realtionship. Building cross cultural relationships comes with its own set of challenges. When you are able to engage “wisely” with others by using your emotional intelligence you increase the likelihood of success.

Here are a few tips on how you can rev up your emotional intelligence (EQ):

1. Slow down and really focus on who it is you are engaging with.

2. Shift the focus of the engagement on the other person instead of yourself.

3. Really listen (with your heart, eyes and ears) to what the person is saying.

4. Pay close attention to the body language they display.

5. Use words and language that validates instead of questioning their perspective or reality.

6. If you sense anger, fear, frustration or sadness, mirror what they are say by repeating back to them what you have heard.

7. Validate what they have said without judgment.

8. If requested, offer solutions or alternative ways of thinking, behaving or responding. Be careful, they may not want advice, they may simply want you to listen.

9. Generally slow down and life and be in the moment when engaging with others.

10. Respond to others the way you would want others to respond to you.

* Excerpt from Catriceology’s “The Power of You” Simple Strategies to Relate, Influence and Lead Successfully. A workshop to help people embrace the power of self in building and sustaining relationships in life and career.

By Catrice Jackson