How to Communicate to Connect

Jackie Onassis had it, so did Pamela Harriman. LittlePinkBook.com’s CEO and founding editor Cynthia Good has it, too.

Charm can be a professional woman’s secret weapon. With it, you can communicate with anyone. You can win others to your side.

Nothing is as important in developing charm as the ability to communicate with a person as if he or she was the only person in the room.

Someone asked Queen Victoria once whether she preferred the company of Benjamin Disraeli or William Gladstone. She answered that when she dined with Gladstone she felt he was the most interesting man in England, but when she ate with Disraeli she felt she was the most interesting person in the world.

Like Disraeli, we can put our egos aside and focus on the other person. We can make a conscious effort to put others’ wants and needs before our own, and one way we can do it is to ask questions.

“Questions are the sparkplugs of conversation,” says Nicholas Boothman in his book, How To Make People Like You. Through questions, we learn where another’s passion lies, and when we show interest in another’s passion, we are well on our way to establishing rapport.

Questions are only as effective as our ability to listen, and key to listening is providing feedback. “Feedback,” says Ken Blanchard, co-author of the The One-Minute Manager and other motivational books, “is the breakfast of champions.”

Tony Alessandra, Ph.D., is his book Charisma, offers these four suggestions for providing proper feedback:

One: Offer verbal responses such as “Hmmm,” “Really?” and “Wow.”

Two: Provide acknowledging gestures such as smiling, nodding and leaning forward.

Three: Make clarifying remarks that restate the speaker’s points.

Four: Establish eye contact.

Eye contact is also important in establishing credibility. In one study, speakers who are rated “sincere” looked at their audiences at an average of three times longer than speakers ranked “insincere.”

In summary, charm can be learned, but it still must be earned. Sincerity and warmth cannot be faked; they must come from within. When we are naturally charming, we are at our communications best.




By Randy Siegel