If You’re Leaning In, You’re Not Balanced

What would you do differently if you weren’t afraid?

For Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, that question is one of the most important and motivating things we can ask ourselves.

And, she’s right.

In her new book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, the 43-year-old former Google executive with two Harvard degrees and an estimated net worth of $1.6 billion challenges women to embrace success – to “lean in.”

Sandberg, a wife and mother of two, has criticized women for caring too much about what others think and, during her December 2010 Ted Talk, she critiqued women for leaving before they leave, or preemptively prepping their careers for flexibility when they decide to have children.

But, what she’s saying isn’t anything new – only a new face and marketing strategy. It’s the same feminist, you-can-have-it-all call to arms that resurfaces every so often. Still, working women face the same issue of work/life balance.

The theory of leaning in is flawed in that it is physically impossible to lean in two different directions at once. We only have 100 percent of ourselves to give 24 hours a day, and we have to choose which gets more of our attention: career or personal life.

With every decision arises an opportunity cost. Whenever we decide to dedicate our time to one thing we are neglecting another.

The balance that Sandberg speaks of is actually not balance at all and the reason women “leave before they leave.”

For women in highly visible, demanding roles the pendulum has no choice but to swing towards work. By her own admission, her family is getting the short end of the stick. Admittedly, due to extensive travel, she has missed “a level of detail” in their lives, including several doctor’s appointments and teacher conferences.

Despite being able to afford top-notch nannies, Sandberg acknowledges that leaving children with caretakers is “heart wrenching.” Yet, whenever fretting over spending more time with her children she reminds herself that it’s based on “pure emotion, not hard science.”

Women have to start owning their decisions.

Let’s be honest and stop acting as if the children aren’t missing a beat, because they are. Let’s stop acting as if leaning into work instead of your family isn’t selfish, because it is.

You can have it all but your family won’t.

It is my belief that one of the primary reasons advancement is relatively stagnant is because many women are choosing not to lean into to their careers. They would rather lean into their homes because, for some, experience trumps “achievement.”

The content woman working in middle management (or not working at all) who coaches her daughter’s softball team is no less successful than a female CEO.

It is pressure from executive women with platforms purveying unattainable, one-size-fits-all lifestyles and solutions that are damaging, discouraging and the root of girl-on-girl judgment.

Success can be embraced in more places than a Fortune 500 boardroom.

By L. Nicole Williams

Nicole is the Editor of Little PINK Book. Follow her on Twitter @iamnicwill.