Leadership and The Mommy Factor

One afternoon this week, I traded my high heels and power suit for a “serving wench” costume and marched through the front door of my son’s school. Each year, the students participate in a medieval banquet and all participants are required to wear period costume, including the parents. Since my son had the starring role as the “Earl of Wakefield” overseeing the entire event for his “court”, it was something I couldn’t miss, despite the fact that I was juggling important meetings and conference calls.

As women and as leaders, we make choices everyday about which of our many roles we will choose to shift to the front of the priority line. It’s important to many of us to be fine leaders, loving partners and mothers and successful business leaders. That’s a pretty full plate and reminds me of my son, who at the tender age of 5 said, “I want to be a paleontologist, a zoo keeper and a horse trainer. Can I be all of those things, Mommy?” “Yes, you can, sweetie,” I responded, “just not all at the same time.”

What I’ve learned over the years is that women can fulfill all of their desired roles, but we have to make choices. I’ve also come to understand that bringing the whole of who we are to each aspect of our lives ultimately makes us better at everything we do. For example, I am a better leader, a better developer of others and a better business woman because I am also a mother. Having a child has helped to smooth my rough edges as a leader and has infused me with a greater sense of compassion and patience than I possessed earlier in my life. Just try coaxing a tired, but resistant toddler into bed at night and you learn a lot about patience and how to be persuasive. It’s a skill set that has served me well in more than one business negotiation.

Motherhood has also forced me to deeply examine myself and address my own issues. Through my son’s eyes, I’ve seen myself from a different perspective, in a way that no 360-degree feedback process could match. I understand deeply how my actions as a parent affect the environment in which he is being raised. In the same way, I better appreciate the impact I have as a leader on those around me in the organization and recognize my responsibility for managing the environment that others experience. I want to work in a fun and fulfilling culture, where everyone is able to engage in roles that are aligned with their skills and passions, and at the same time bring their whole selves to work, so as a leader, I must create that possibility. But, it’s a job that is not always easy.

At one point in my career, while serving as a human resources director, a male senior leader called my office to ask me to restrict a female employee from bringing her infant and the child’s caregiver along to an offsite 4-day meeting. When I inquired why he might want to do this, the leader explained that he had structured the meeting as a team building session and was concerned that the female manager would not fully participate if her child was at the hotel where the team was staying. I listened carefully and asked all of the requisite questions. It turns out that the woman was paying for the hotel room for her nanny and baby, so tapping company funds for personal benefit was not an issue. I also learned that the woman was breastfeeding her child, who at that time was just 4 months old.

I didn’t develop a raving fan that day because I refused the leader’s request. The only requirement of the female employee was to actively participate in all of the activities that her boss had planned for the team. I failed to see how bringing her child to the meeting interfered with his objectives. In fact, from my vantage point, it served the team well to have all members present. This new mother, who was trying to be a good employee, an engaged team member, and a responsible parent, couldn’t possibly do all three if her child was left at home.

As women leaders, I hope we all pause to remember that our decisions about other women in the work environment shape the culture of companies for everyone. We have the power to develop a more inclusive and holistic culture at work, while still delivering outstanding results to the bottom line. Let’s be courageous enough to create that reality.

By Alaina Love