Stop that “If Only…” Thinking

I’m having a tough week. Perhaps you are too. When times are tough, it’s easy for me to slip into “if only…thinking.” If only…, I would be successful, happy, at peace, or whatever.”

Piero Ferrucci tells a wonderful story in his book The Power of Kindness: The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life. It goes like this:

“Once upon a time there was a man who hated his job. He was a stonemason and he had to work all day long for a miserable salary. ‘What an awful way to live,’ he thought. ‘Oh, if only I could be rich and loaf all day!’ His wish grew so intense that in the end it came true. The stonemason heard a voice saying, ‘You are what you want to be.’ He became rich and could immediately have things he had always wanted: a beautiful house, delicious food, great entertainment.

He was happy until one day he saw a king pass by with his procession, and he thought, ‘He is more powerful than I. How I would like to be in his shoes!’ Once again he heard the voice and, as if by magic, he became king. What a thrill is power! All obeyed him, all feared him. He was happy for a while, but it didn’t last. Bit by bit, a wicked dissatisfaction took hold of him. ‘I want more,’ he thought. ‘I want, I want, I want.’ He saw the sun in the sky and thought, ‘The sun is even more powerful than I. I want to be the sun!’

He became the sun, big, strong, and bright. He ruled the earth and sky. Nothing could exist without him. What happiness! And what importance! But then he noticed that beneath him the clouds prevented him from seeing the landscape. They were light and mobile. Instead of being a fixed shape in the sky, they could take an infinite variety of forms, and at sunset they flushed with the most striking colors. They had no cares and were free. How enviable.

His envy did not last long. Once more he heard the voice saying, ‘You are what you want to be.’ At once, he was a cloud. It was pleasant to be suspended in the air, mobile, and fluffy. He enjoyed taking different shapes, now thick and opaque, now rich and white, now fine as embroidery. But sooner or later the cloud condensed into raindrops and struck a rock of granite.

What an impact! The rock had been there for millennia – hard and solid. And now the little drops of water burst on the granite and flowed onto the earth, where they were absorbed to disappear forever. ‘How wonderful to be a rock,’ he thought.

Instantly he became a rock. For some time, he enjoyed life as a rock. At last he had found stability. Now he felt secure. ‘After all, it is security and solidity I am seeking, and no one is going to move me from here,’ he thought. The raindrops struck the rock and trickled down the sides. It was a pleasant massage, a gift. The sun caressed and warmed him with its rays – how beautiful. He had attained completeness.

Well, not yet. One day, he saw a figure approaching on the horizon. It was a man, slightly bent and with a large hammer – a stonemason, who began striking the hammer against him. Worse than pain, he felt dismay. The stonemason was even stronger than he and could decide his destiny. ‘How I wish I could be a stonemason,’ he thought.

Thus he became a stonemason once again. After being everything he had wanted to be, he became again what he had always been. But this time he was happy. Cutting stone became an art. The sound of the hammer was music, the fatigue at the end of the day brought the satisfaction of a job well done. And that night, he had a wonderful vision of the cathedral his stones were helping to build. It was a magnificent revelation and he experienced a feeling that he knew would never leave him. It was gratitude.”

Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I’m now focusing on what I do have: family, friends, work I love, and these beautiful mountains in which I live. When fear seeps into my thoughts, I evaporate them by recounting those things for which I am grateful.




By Randy Siegel