The Brotherhood Code

My daughter calls it “The Brotherhood Code” (or “Bro’ Code” for short). Others use terms such as “The Unwritten Rules” or “The Good Old Boys’ Network.”

Men seem to understand the rules of engagement in the workplace—that promotions, raises and entry into the executive suite are based on many factors, often difficult to quantify. Many women think the most important of these factors is education, but if academic credentials predicted upward mobility, we would be running the world today. Since we’re not, the key to success must be something else.

That something else is what most men know. They are familiar with the expectations for success in business because those expectations have been ingrained in them since childhood. Men live and play in a business world that their forefathers created many years ago and perfected along the way. Rules are learned and mastered in Little league Baseball and Pee Wee Football.

Those who think the key to getting ahead is to do their jobs well and even to work above and beyond what is expected of them are missing an important part of the business landscape. A whole host of contests, competitions and codes are being played and followed around them. Most men understand and know how to use this informal system. Most women do not. We are often unaware of what we don’t know and this put us at a disadvantage.
As one top (male) finance executive put it: “Erin, there are just these unwritten rules—the men ‘get them’ and the women don’t. and then a woman breaks one of the rules and the guys think, ‘What is she doing? She just broke one of the rules!’”

Because I played sports at a serious level when I was young—and in fact earned an athletic scholarship to college—I learned The Bro Code at an early age. So it surprises me too when women go against The Code. An example of breaking The Code is this:

Recently, a woman (who I will call Mary) helped another woman (who I will call Jane) from a career and business standpoint. Later, Jane went behind Mary’s back to say something negative to one of Mary’s clients—a classic example of putting someone else down to build yourself up. The problem is that she broke The Code! If someone has been helpful to you, you either have their back or you stay neutral. The Bro Code dictates that you don’t bite the hand that has fed you—the workplace is a small place and what goes around usually comes around. You need to be careful about burning bridges.

Believe it or not, most female leaders exhibit characteristics that are similar to those of their male peers—they aren’t more masculine and don’t try to be one of the guys. However, they consistently follow The Code that contributes to the achievement of their business goals, however far-reaching those goals may be.