The “Little Princess” Comes in All Colors…

There is a little princess in all of us, and there is a full-grown woman as well. The little princess is our “girl” self who sometimes overshadows the full-grown woman and can become our own demise. When these two parts of us are out of line, we ultimately are living incongruently or out of balance. Let’s talk about the little girl or princess who lives within us as women. She is often immature, self-centered, envious, catty, controlling, whiny, and insecure. Think back to your younger adoescent days of middle and high school. Can you recall the cliques and how girls betrayed, preyed upon, an ostracized other girls?

I too once was involved in those types of shenanigans and recall the pain and misery I felt and caused on occasion. Those were moments of transformation as we tried to figure out who we were and where we stood in the world of other people and especially other females. I remember judging other girls by how they looked, what they did, and who they hung out with, and knowing that I too was under that same social microscope. Although I was generally pretty authentic and a leader versus a follower, I too fell victim to and perpetrator of the “mean girl” syndrome. Through my personal transformation I realized there is no place for the little princess or the mean girl syndrome in my life. Yet, as you may have discovered, there are plenty of grown (in age) women who still allow this way of living and engaging to permeate their lives.

Let me back up and explain what I mean by girl versus woman. Think back to your middle school and high school days. You can probably recall incidents when you or other girls participated in the “mean girl” games. You know what I am talking about: the gossiping, snickering, leaving certain girls out, judging and classifying other girls, cliques against cliques, and so on. I believe we all know and have either been the victim or perpetrator in these types of games. Now, think about how the victims must have felt and how nasty and emotionally draining this type of behavior was. Those were girl behaviors. At this point in your life, ideally you have graduated from the school of girlhood and emerged as a full-grown, whole woman.

Unlike a girl, a woman is confident in her own skin. She’s satisfied with who she is, no matter what titles and credentials she does or does not hold. She doesn’t take everything personally, knows her core values and lives by them, and treats other with kindness and respect. What another woman wears, what she looks like, and whether she is pretty or not does NOT matter to a woman, because a woman sees the souls of other women not their outward definitions. I could continue, but you get the picture. A woman does not play those schoolgirl games.

These “mean girl” games continue to show up in our lives and careers today. If you’ve recently said or thought “Who does she think she is?” you may still have traces of “girl” flowing through your veins. The little princess (girl) inside wants all the attention, gets emotional when things don’t go her way, pouts and maybe even cries at the drop of a hat, thinks the world should revolve around her, etc. The little princess wants the best Barbie, has to be the mommy or teacher when playing games, gets jealous when her friends play with other friends – and the scenarios continue. Okay, now for the point of all this: Who wants to be around someone like the little princess? Who wants to hire or promote her? Who wants to date her? Who wants to be on her team? I may be going out on a limb here, but I would say “No one!”

The little princess in you still functions from a place of insecurity and false feelings of superiority. On rare occasions she shows up in my life; however, I have intentionally told her to go take a hike and get out of my way so the whole, full-grown, mature woman in me can reign. Yes, in my queendom there is absolutely no room for the little princess – only the queen diva (Divine, Inspirational, Vibrant, Aspiring) sister in me rules my space. What I know to be true is that the little princess causes many women to live an incongruent life. The little princess is alive and kicking on the inside, yet often women will try to portray something else to the world. A full-grown woman – a savvy woman – lives in balance and has declared dominion over her queendom with no tolerance for the little princess’ existence.

You may be wondering by now if your little princess shows up in your life more than you want her to or whether you would be classified as a full-grown, whole woman. The following are characteristics of women (people) who are living congruently, in balance and harmony:

• Your outer self mirrors your inner self and vice versa.
• The person you display to the world is the same person you are in private.
• You give yourself as much as you give others.
• You do what you say you will do.
• You display internal and external consistency throughout all aspects of life.
• You are perceived as sincere by others.
• You can be authentically yourself, despite the situation or the company you keep.
• You are transparent… people see the real you.
• Others have described you by saying, “What you see is what you get.”

What I know for sure is that the little princess has or does live in all women despite race or ethnicity. If we as women are going to truly master “supporting one another” we must tell the little princess to take a hike so the full grown woman can emerge and soar! I encourage you to check yourself to see if the little princess is reigning in your life and how she may be not only impacting your relationships with other women but your relationships in general.

* Excerpt from Delicious! The Savvy Woman’s Guide to Living a Sweet, Sassy and Satisfied Life (Chapter 11). Visit the website to download Chapter 11!

By Catrice Jackson