What to Do When the Boys Won’t Let You Play – Gaining Access to the “Old (and new) Boys’ Network”

Lack of access to informal networks – the old boys club – becomes an increasingly significant barrier as women move up the corporate ladder. One client who was the only female VP in her company complained that vendors failed to include her on the invitation list for tailgates and football games, despite telling them her father was a coach and she loved the game. She knew that deals were being struck during Monday morning post-game calls, and she was losing out.

I discovered one solution to her problem while sitting on a beach watching 5-8 year olds at play. The boys used their engineering skills to design and build an intricate series of dams and rivers by the water’s edge. They even built a small hot tub and were enjoying their time in this mini-spa when along came the girls – first one, then two. As the third tried to find a seat in the tub, two boys protested. “No girls allowed.” The girls argued but eventually moved along. Minutes later, the mothers arrived and demanded equal rights for the girls. After some protest and as long as the mothers stood guard the girls were begrudgingly allowed in the tub. As soon as the guards left, however, it was again, “No girls allowed.” This scene repeated itself several times. All the while I’m wishing the mother’s would not intervene. I wanted to see how things would play out on their own. I got my wish as the mothers became distracted and the girls grew tired of trying.

One girl started to dig a short distance from the boys. She was far enough to maintain respect for the rule of separation but close enough for the engineers and construction workers to see her. Other girls joined in. They built elaborate scenes creatively using beach flora, fauna and debris to make bridges, houses, trees and people. A curious boy inched his digging project closer to girls’ scene. Within minutes his trench was connected to their landscape. Other boys began to follow. Soon the groups’ combined engineering and creative talents resulted in a complex and ingenious landscape filled with people, cars, pets, trenches, dams and a bigger co-ed hot tub.

So Ms. Julie threw her own tailgating party. She invited the boys and the girls. The food was imaginative and delicious but she was sure to include the more traditional grilled hot dogs, hamburgers and sweet smelling sausages. Tailgates and football games have not reverted back to “No girls allowed,” despite the absence of mothers standing guard.

Please share your ideas and stories for breaking through barriers to informal networks.

By Anne Perschel