Who Are You?

Here’s how to find your authentic self.

By Elizabeth and Barbara Pagano

For most of us, discovering the core of who we really are and what we want our lives to be is a more difficult task than getting an orchid to bloom a second time. It’s an individual journey, and Bradd Shore, Ph.D., of Emory University suggests beginning by asking yourself:

• What gives my life meaning?
• What are my priorities?

The Payoffs


The late Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique rocked our world in the early 1960s, laying the groundwork for modern feminism. Friedan said women should aspire to their own identities as individuals and should answer the questions, “Who am I?” and “What do I want out of life?”

More than 40 years later, the questions are more relevant than ever.

The struggle to express – let alone find – one’s authentic self can be a complicated and individual journey. Beyond knowing and accepting thyself, one has to be skilled at expressing that truth, recognizing there might be a price to pay with either choice: the straight path of authenticity or the zigzag trail of situational roles, choosing behaviors that serve the moment.

In his new book, Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights (Random House, January 2006), Yale law professor Kenji Yoshino writes about women practicing what he calls “covering” – downplaying aspects of themselves (i.e., motherhood) they know may be viewed as less than acceptable in the workplace. Civil rights, he says, aren’t just about your right to be yourself, but also your right to reveal yourself as you are. He believes that “covering” is the way that many groups are being held back today.

Counsel from Authentic Women

“Don’t be so afraid of standing out that you become invisible. I see far too many women being invisible. Yet being distinctive is an absolute career advantage.” – Margaret Heffernan, author of The Naked Truth: A Working Woman’s Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters.



”Decide whether you’re doing something to please yourself or to meet the expectations of your parents, your husband or society. Make decisions based on enduring values and what you want. Otherwise, it’s like marrying the wrong guy.” – Lynne Seid, former president of global advertising firm Foote Cone & Belding’s New York office; founding partner, Visible World

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“If your style is validated either through your employees or your business results, then hold your ground. Obviously, there’s merit in it.” – Kathleen Holmgren, senior vice president and general manager of Sun Microsystems’ $1 billion disk storage business.


”Organizations are beginning to realize the strength of what women bring to the table, and that they get to the table in a different way. Don’t downplay who you are. Instead, leverage your unique qualities.” – Debra Boblitt, a vice president with State Farm Insurance.



”Success is more attributable to making good choices rather than relying on momentum. If you’re in a company where you’re not being respected for your talents, go to another company.” – Karen Steadman, Ph.D., vice president of a consulting firm.