A Bittersweet Send-Off

This weekend we took our son, Alden, to college for the very first time.

Seems like just yesterday at age 15, he moved downstairs into the “man-cave”, as we called it. It fast became a safe hangout for Alden and his many friends. He felt so grown up, independent and far away moving down there. Even on Friday and Saturday nights, they all gathered at the house – in the cave.

Seems like it wasn’t that long ago when just outside that very room, in the basement, I played chase with a then five-year-old Alden. One afternoon, exhausted after several minutes of rough-housing, I fell back into a chair announcing: “Mommy’s pooped!” With eyes as wide as saucers, he asked, “Where?!”

He’s always had these beautiful, big, puppy dog brown eyes (a birthright from his dad), along with a smile that could melt dry ice. His younger brother knows life will be different without those big brown eyes in the house. Sixteen-year-old Julien says he’ll miss Alden so much, he’s suggested establishing a support group for siblings of kids who go off to college.

Julien came with us to The Container Store to pick out the trunk Alden would use to pack, and later as a coffee table in his dorm room. Alden, a serious clotheshorse, gathered up his favorite things and placed them into the box. But he promised I’d get to make up his bed once we got to campus.

I brought the big black trunk with gold clasps, now 78 pounds, to work. FedEx picked it up and delivered it to the hotel where we were all staying, outside of Boston in the town of Waltham; home to Brandeis University and now, my son. It’s 1,096 miles away. I checked. So I know it’s an 18 hour 21 minute drive door-to-door.

I have high hopes that we’ll keep in close contact via texting, phone calls and Skype. But I realize he and life will be busy and it won’t be the same as when he was at home.

My biggest concern is that I haven’t told him everything I want him to know yet. He knows I credit him with making me a mom since he was my first. That he inspired my first book, Words Every Child Must Hear and much of the work I’ve done to date on women and families. Not sure he knows that every day I admire him more. He’s conscientious, intuitive, resourceful, kind, curious, adventurous and exquisitely confident. I’m not sure he knows just quite how much I love him; that he is my All-den.

But he’s excited about college and I am excited about this right of passage – about his future and his excitement. I’m hoping this feeling trumps the quiet heartache inside me.

This summer, for the first time he beat his dad in arm wrestling. He is strong now and tall, but still tender and really not all that much different from the little boy I chased around the basement, just over a decade ago. Only difference is – he’ll be a little further away than those 12 steps down the stairs.

Alden and mom in his Brandeis University dorm.