Obama Keeps Blackberry… Won’t Go it Alone

Last night I caught the news that President Obama will keep his Blackberry and be able to “keep in touch.” This reminded me of a question I was asked by a woman who is between jobs. She asked, “What shortcuts do you recommend to push through the feeling of going it alone – especially if networking is unappealing.” Of course, I directed her to the prior two blogs on Reframing Your Inner Game, but in addition, her question motivated me to take a few minutes to emphasize that networking is expressly about keeping in touch and not going it alone.

By viewing every interaction as an opportunity to have an authentic encounter with an eye toward reciprocal benefit (instead of as a transactional interaction in service of my personal needs), we lay the foundation for a strong network. That’s not to say that every person we meet (in person or virtually) has to become our new best friend or BFF (best friend forever). It’s okay to think of them as “weak ties” – a concept that I’ve mentioned in Reframing Your Inner Game 1 (here) and 2 (here.)

I borrow the notion of “weak ties” from sociologist Mark Granovetter who describes them as “a friendly, yet casual, social connection”. So many women think that if they haven’t been in touch with someone for years, it’s an imposition to connect to ask for assistance. This is SO not how men use their connections. A colleague of mine called me once in a huff because a man she worked with 3 years earlier called asking for help with his job search. I counseled her to think differently about his outreach.

• First, men think differently about connections. What he was doing was absolutely okay in his playbook.
• Second, by helping him she was making deposits into a bank of good will on which she’d be able to draw in the future.
• Third, when he found a new position, he will be likely to open doors for her business to get into his new company.

When people reach out to me, even if asking for assistance, I’m honored and delighted to be thought of, no matter how long it’s been since our last connection, and I do what I can to help them because when it’s time for me to face tough challenges (like President Obama) or to find new opportunities (like the woman who asked for shortcuts) I know I won’t be going it alone. I hope you do the same.

Network ON!
By Susan Colantuono