Reframe Your Inner Game

“In the last decade many women have come to believe that the word ‘networking’ has a negative connotation, implying some sort of impersonal form of connection in which we attend events, pretend we are interested in every woman we meet, pass out our business cards, and leave feeling as though (a) we have accomplished nothing and (b) we weren’t true to ourselves.”
Gail Evans, Author, She Wins, You Win

When I first read Gail Evans’ quote, it sure rang true. Like many women, I’d become uncomfortable with the idea of networking while losing sight of the fact that I was great at it… if I networked on behalf of others especially for the 3 Fs: fun, friends and families. (If you’re like me you can easily think about times you’ve asked for a referral for a pediatrician, school, restaurant or movie!) I was much less comfortable networking in service of my own dreams, goals and aspirations. Sound familiar?

Evan’s suggestion is to change the name as a way of getting more to the heart of networking. She writes: “Forget networking. What we really need to be doing is what I call webbing… such relationships must become the very fabric of our existence.”

I’m not sure that’s the complete solution. Instead of “forgetting networking” I’ve found it helpful to confront what it was in me that let me be successful when developing friendships and networking on behalf of others, but not on behalf of my professional goals. If you’re like me I invite you to do the same – give yourself (and other women) permission to network on behalf of career, professional and business goals. At the same time, it’s important to remember that whether we call it networking or webbing – success rests in the concept I call “explicit reciprocity™” – a willingness to help others as we seek their help.

So, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of networking, my advice is to reframe your inner game.™

Give yourself permission to:

• Be clear about your career, professional and business goals. That clarity powers your networking effectiveness.
• Not just give assistance, but also ask for it. Hold fast to the understanding that networking is about the give and the get.
• Develop “weak tie” relationships… and be comfortable being one. In other words, don’t feel like you have to be bosom buddies with someone before you can ask for assistance (or be asked).
• And, as Tim Sanders writes in Love is the Killer App, remember “The purpose of collecting contacts is to give them away – to match them with other contacts. Whenever you introduce people, instead of one plus one equaling two; it equals two to infinity – because when we make a successful connection, we are helping create that one-in-a-million business relationship with which we are forever associated and that may connect us to myriad new network nodes.”

Do you have a great networking story? I think Obama’s fight to keep his Blackberry is a great networking story! More on that later… Or questions about networking? I’d love to hear from you. Join the PINK community, leave a comment.

Network ON!
By Susan Colantuono