Celebrating Mother's Day – What Mothers of Presidents Taught Their Sons May 22, 2013Expert BlogsOff

For mother’s day, Wise Women Working celebrates two wise women who taught their not-yet-president sons important lessons on leadership. The first young man, Abraham Lincoln, grew up to become one of the country’s greatest leaders, and many believe the second, Barack Obama, will be similarly recognized for his ability to lead and transform the country.

Like other transformational leaders, Lincoln and Obama blend masculine and feminine strengths. Both men credit success to their respective mothers who, like many women, excel at both the soft side and hard side of leading. In his book on leadership, Pulitzer Prize winning presidential biographer and leadership scholar James McGregor Burns wrote, “As leadership becomes more properly to be seen as a process of leaders engaging and mobilizing the human needs and aspirations of followers, women will be more readily recognized as leaders and men will change their own leadership styles.” Lincoln and Obama learned to be such leaders from their mothers and trusted guides who taught their sons to be self-confident yet humble, to be empathic, and to manage their own egos in order to uplift and engage others in pursuit of honorable goals.

Nancy H. Lincoln

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln

Nancy H. Lincoln taught her son to be a self-disciplined student and to value learning. She encouraged his empathic nature and simultaneously fostered young Abe’s humility and self-confidence. These two qualities were evident as Lincoln announced his run for state legislature. “Every man has his particular ambition. I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.”

Helen Nicolay, daughter of Lincoln’s private secretary, referred to the president’s empathy as “His crowning gift of political diagnosis… which gave him the power to forecast with uncanny accuracy what his opponents were likely to do.” In one such situation Lincoln sat quietly through a formal discussion among fellow Republicans until near the end when he stood dramatically, threw of his shawl and outlined the next several moves of both parties. When he was done it all seemed so obvious that his peers wondered how they had missed it. Lincoln also employed empathy in his appeal for understanding between north and south – bridging the gap between the two sides by illuminating their shared humanity. “They are just what we would be in their situation. If slavery did not now exist amongst them, they would not introduce it. If it did now exist amongst us, we should not instantly give it up… I surely will not blame them for not doing what I should not know how to do myself.'”

Nancy Hanks Lincoln taught her son to read and to use books as his classroom. During the war as one of his generals was failing, Lincoln, who never served in the military, read up on military strategy while still mourning the death of his son several weeks prior. Within days the president began directing the armed forces.

S. Anne Soetoro and Grandmother Toots

“[My mother] was the kindest, most generous spirit I have ever known, and that what is best in me I owe to her.” Barack Obama

Barack Obama’s mother S. Anne Soetoro was an anthropologist who pursued life in foreign cultures. She was known for gathering “unlikely conversation partners” in her home. Like his mother, the president is inclusive and crosses – perhaps transcends – ethnic and racial divides. Her influence is visible in the diversity of the president’s cabinet choices and close advisers, his inclusion of a broad array of perspectives – inviting even those who oppose his views, his ability to speak to the universal hopes of a diverse base, and in the mix of people from around the world who welcome his presidency.

Anne, like Lincoln’s mother, valued learning and self-discipline. When the family lived overseas she would wake young Barack at 4:30 in the morning to study in preparation for returning to school in the U.S. If he complained she was quick to remind him that this was no more pleasant for her than it was for him.

Grandmother Toot, formally known as Madelyn Dunham, was another of Obama’s role models. “She was the cornerstone of our family and a woman of extraordinary accomplishment, strength and humility… Her impact on all of us is meaningful and enduring. Our debt to her is beyond measure.” When her daughter became pregnant unexpectedly Toot found a job as a bank secretary to help with expenses. For many years she tolerated blatant sexism without complaint. Additionally handicapped by the lack of a college education she rose nevertheless to become the first female vice president of the bank. To stay focused on the goal in light of such difficulties requires management of one’s own ego. President Obama has also endured much without complaint while maintaining focus on the goal – as was evident during the presidential campaign. After the election he further proved the ability to manage his ego by appointing former opponent Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State.

Leading Transformation

Lincoln preserved the union while transforming important aspects of culture and morality. Many hope Obama will realize a similar magnitude of change.  To do so requires engaging people in ways that raise both leader and followers to higher levels of aspiration, motivation and morality. This calls for strong relational skills, the ability to manage ones own ego and to make difficult sometimes unpopular decisions on behalf of a greater vision.

The persisting leadership crisis in the U.S. suggests that the time is long overdue for trading in the prevailing command and control style for a model that incorporates what Lincoln and Obama learned from their mothers and what many women do so well – to be humble, to empathize, to collaborate, to build bridges and to put one’s ego in service of a greater good. These attributes are crucial for leaders across all sectors if we are to restore the economy and the stature of the U.S. at home and around the world. Perhaps with a president who models these qualities the culture of leadership in the U.S. will finally achieve these much needed changes. To that end women as mothers, advisers, role models, and leaders have much to offer.

Happy mothers day to all women for we are all mothers – nurturing something or someone.

By Anne Perschel

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