How Do You Get What You Want? May 20, 2013Career Articles, Career DevelopmentOff

How to Get What You Want

You ask for it. (27 Ways to Get a Raise)

By Martha A. Woodham

As CEO of Housing Families Inc., Judy Perlman worked long and hard growing the nonprofit agency, which provides housing for homeless families in metro Boston. Not only did she oversee 48 full- and part-time staffers, but she also increased the number of families helped on a daily basis from fewer than 50 to more than 160. She guided the development of a 19-unit housing complex for homeless families and instituted after-school programs. She also increased the agency’s revenue by nearly $1 million.

Then one day it hit her: She had not had a raise in three years. Perlman had been so immersed in her work that it took a divorce to make her realize that she should have been making more money.

But before going to the board of directors to ask for a raise, Perlman did her homework. She talked to her colleagues at other nonprofit organizations, and she researched salary ranges for positions like hers. She found her compensation was lagging. As part of her research, she interviewed for a job with another agency and was offered a higher salary. That solidified her resolve to ask for a raise at Housing Families.

“Judy highlighted her successes in the organization,” says board member Lisa N. McGonagle. “She said, ‘I want to be with my peer set, and here’s why.’ She made it easy to say yes.”

Not only did the Housing Families board agree to give Perlman a 19 percent raise – an impressive amount for a nonprofit organization – but it also agreed to pay for her to attend conferences and other kinds of professional development opportunities. “I felt like the board was saying, ‘You are so good that we are going to pay so you can go out and get better,'” says Perlman, who now makes just under $100,000.

Both Perlman and the board came away feeling good about their negotiations – an ideal situation. But Perlman would never have gotten the money if she had not asked.

Perlman is an example of what career consultants see as an epidemic among professional women: The tendency to work hard, assuming they will be rewarded. Studies consistently show that one reason for the compensation discrepancy between men and women is three little words: Women don’t ask. To paraphrase the line from the movie Cool Hand Luke, “What we have here is a failure to negotiate.”

Of course, the process is different for women at the upper echelons of management, who are often recruited by executive search firms.

“They will share their salary expectations, and anything else they want, with the recruiter,” says Cheryl Robinson, a career management consultant with The Right Management. “These executives would work through the recruiter if they wanted to sweeten the pot.”

But women at all levels still need to look out for themselves. Carnegie Mellon University economics professor Linda Babcock, Ph.D., coauthor with Sara Laschever of Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (Princeton University Press, 2003), devised several studies that all came up with the same result: Not only are women much less likely than men to ask for what they want, but they also are less likely to use negotiation to get it.

According to Babcock, men use negotiation to get what they want up to nine times as often as women do. In their article “When Gender Changes the Negotiation” for Harvard Business Review, authors Dina W. Pradel, Hannah Riley Bowles and Kathleen L. McGinn say men may be encouraged to maximize their outcomes by ramping up their ambition in highly competitive environments. “Women, on the other hand, may be inspired by reminders that they’re representing not just themselves but their colleagues, department, company or customers,” the authors write.

“In my opinion, it goes back to childhood, and girls are taught to be nonconfrontational and more collaborative,” says Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com, an online research company in Needham, Mass.

In the long run, being a good girl who doesn’t talk about money has extreme consequences for women. According to Babcock and Laschever, by simply accepting what she’s offered rather than negotiating for more, the average woman sacrifices more than half a million dollars over the course of her career. This is a huge penalty for avoiding the temporary discomfort sometimes required while bargaining on your own behalf.

“Most companies expect you to negotiate,” Robinson says. “They often make offers they don’t expect you to take. For five minutes of the discomfort of asking, we can gain years of pleasure – of money.”

Women’s advocates look forward to a time when women no longer fear asking for what they want. Frequently women have a chance to remind decision-makers about exciting career milestones, such as new business or a big award. Enthusiastically sharing such milestones with a boss sets the stage for more powerful negotiating later. And when something big happens and you’ve got the confidence, why not ask right then and there?

“She should say, ‘I worked on such and such a project which created X amount of money for the company.’ Negotiate right then,” Robinson says. There’s no law requiring employees to wait until their annual review to ask for a raise or promotion. Men don’t wait. Why should we? When women do negotiate, it pays off in personal satisfaction as well as increased salary and opportunities, according to a computer survey of nearly 500 middle- and senior-level businesswomen attending the 2005 Simmons College School of Management national leadership conference. Of the women who said they negotiated, 75 percent reported that they were significantly satisfied with their jobs; only 27 percent of the women who did not negotiate felt the same way. Similarly, 81 percent among those who negotiated said they were offered additional leadership opportunities, and 86 percent reported that their last performance review “exceeded or far exceeded” their expectations.

“Many studies of women and negotiating are based on role-playing and games, but when you look at negotiating in the real world, around leadership opportunities and challenges, we see that the successful women do indeed negotiate. And it pays off for everyone,” says Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., survey leader and Deloitte Ellen Gabriel professor of women and leadership at the Simmons School of Management. “That’s a powerful message to companies as well as to women who want to get ahead. Companies should encourage women to negotiate. If they say, ‘Let’s sit down and figure out what you need up front to be successful in this new job,’ it pays off in higher motivation and lower turn-over.” Everyone wins. Besides, if you don’t ask for what you want now – you’ll pay for it later.

Creative Negotiations

Whether women are asking for a raise or interviewing for a new job, they can negotiate for more than money. If a company isn’t able to meet a woman’s request for a base salary or raise, the firm may be willing to give her what she wants in other ways.

When negotiating, a woman can start with what is most important to her.

Here are a few negotiating points:

• More vacation
• Signing bonus
• Educational and career development opportunities
• Vehicles
• Parking and mileage allowance
• Air travel
• Membership dues
• Stock options
• Flextime
• Job sharing
• Reduction in the waiting period for insurance benefits and 401(k) plans
• Company assumes COBRA payments during the waiting period for insurance payments
• Company pays the amount that it would have matched had 401(k) been in place

Negotiate Your Raise

Go above and beyond. “To earn a raise, you have to do more than your job,” says Francie Dalton of Dalton Alliances in Columbia, Md. “Distinguish yourself by taking on more responsibilities without being asked. You are not going to be successful in negotiating for a raise unless you feel confident that you have earned it.”

Don’t wait until your review.  Periodically discuss your job performance with your boss, whether you meet informally for coffee, drop by her office or set a formal appointment. “There are ways to quietly self-promote,” says Pamela Lenehan, author of What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You (Syren Book Co., March 2006). “Find a business reason to keep your boss up to speed on what you are doing. You may want to say, ‘I am interested in getting your input on this project.'” Some consultants advise periodically giving the boss a list of your accomplished tasks, with a casual comment about keeping him or her informed of your activities.

Set “smart goals”. You can use the fact that you achieved your goals to justify your request for a raise, says Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com. These should be goals that are measurable, attainable, realistic and time-specific. “A lot of bosses will appreciate your interest in managing your career, and you will come across as much more serious and committed.”

Record your accomplishments. Create a tickler file to hold letters from customers, co-worker notes and records of accomplished tasks and outcomes. “You’ve got to get in the habit of thinking about the benefits you bring to the company,” says Cheryl Robinson, a career management consultant.

Asking for a raise begins now. “If you wait until your review to ask for a salary adjustment, you are too late because your boss has already planned his budget,” Coleman says. Also, supervisors informally evaluate employees every day. “Ask your boss what it will take to get you to a certain salary level,” Dalton says. “Ask for help to map out a path and a timeline.”

Mentally prepare yourself. “Your mother taught you that it’s not polite to talk about money,” Coleman says. “So pretend that you are helping a third party get a raise. It takes a bit of coaching and practice for people to step out.”

Don’t Forget the Pitfalls!

Threatening to leave.  Don’t do it unless you are prepared to walk out. “If I feel like an employee is trying to hold me hostage by threatening to leave, I feel like they have no loyalty to me or the company,” says Dawn Lepore, chief executive officer for

Ambushing your boss with a request for a raise. Instead prepare him or her beforehand, says Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com.

Saying you “deserve” it for reasons that are not business-related. “Nobody cares,” Coleman says. (However, if you have a crisis such as an ill child, it is permissible to ask for the company’s help.)

Demanding a pay hike. Your tone of voice and choice of words are important. Avoid making your boss feel threatened. That gives the impression that money, instead of the company, is the most important thing to you.

Promoting the obvious. Showing up each day and on time is NOT 99% of success. Instead focus on results, such as how you make your boss’ job easier or how you add value to the company.

Shirking responsibility. “Be prepared to defend your mistakes,” Coleman says. “Say what you learned from it and what steps you have taken to make sure it won’t happen again.”

Accepting no as final. “If they say no, that’s just the beginning. Ask for something else,” says Cheryl Robinson, a career management consultant. “If they say no to more vacation, ask about flextime, so it is a win-win for both sides.”

Inability to explain why you deserve a raise. You have to be able to back up your request with tangible evidence of meeting your goals, Coleman says.

Sounding greedy. Have a realistic view of what the job is worth or what raise is practical, says Tierney Remick, managing director for global consumer markets in the Chicago office of Korn/Ferry International. “I’ve seen clients completely out of touch with the value of the position,” she says.

Taking it personally. “Women take salary negotiations personally because they view it as a vision of their self-worth,” says Pamela Lenehan, author of What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You (Syren Book Co., March 2006). “It’s not about anything but the budget.” Lepore agrees: “It’s not personal. Don’t get emotional.”

This article originally appeared in the August.September 2006 issue of PINK Magazine.

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