Ladies… Just one wish! May 22, 2013Expert BlogsOff

Recently, I had the pleasure to meet an amazing executive business leader who happened to be an Asian woman. She was beautiful, successful, and passionate about life and, in particular, the paradox of what she had experienced in business with… men? NO, with women. She passionately shared an experience with me where she desired to join a sophisticated club in a prominent city. She knew two professional women who were members, so she logically reached out to them to write her recommendation to the club. To her surprise, what should have been a quick and easy task, since she had known both of the women for many years, turned into a long and strange list of question after question from each of the women. Each time, she quickly responded to the request with the understanding that “this will be the last question.” And, to her surprise, the more questions she answered, the more they riddled her with. Finally, after many weeks of questions being posed when she believed the final question had been answered, she asked one of the women directly when the questions would end only to be told that she couldn’t join the club and this endless questioning was in fact their way of passively aggressively avoiding telling her. She withdrew her application to the club!

Unfortunately, this is only one of many, many experiences women have relayed to me which made me start to reflect on my own career to see if I also had been impacted by the same issues, only to realize that not only had I been subjected to those women who staked their claim to be “the only woman in the room,” but I had also been subjected to women “working the network” to attempt to damage my reputation with what could only be chalked up as pettiness and insecurity. Why was it that there are those groups of women who actually want to be the ONLY woman in the room with the guys and they will do anything it takes to keep it that way? Why is it that women seem to go after the strongest and most successful women while men “take out” the weakest links by ostracizing them? And, I only have to remind a group of ladies one time what happens when a successful, confident, and (heaven forbid) gorgeous woman walks into a bar on a Friday night with a great looking guy. Do you look her way and point out how beautiful she is? Or do you seek out a panty-line here or how her jeans are too tight or her hair isn’t quite right. Why is it that women seem to take pleasure in cutting down in some way, any way, the most successful, powerful woman when the reality is that we need EVERY single woman to support EVERY single woman fully!! Support every woman to the point that if you see a woman struggling in any way in the office, at a meeting, or in a bar, your call should not be to stand back and critique her. No, your role, if you choose to be a leader, is to engage! Walk right over to her and engage her even if you do not know her. Grab her arm in the bar and say “girlfriend, let’s take a walk.” Get her out of the situation that is harming her and sit down with her for coffee the next day and truly engage, get to know her and to your surprise, you will always find out that something that will humble you! You will find she is amazing and be inspired to help her. She will be amazed at you and your engagement. She will confide in you and, at the end of the conversation, she will have inspired you!

What is amazing to me is that in a time when we are struggling to get more than 3 percent of the Fortune 500 CEO’s to be women and sit with a paltry percent of women in high political office where the voices are needed most, that the biggest challengers for women are women! Why was it that Hilary Clinton was critiqued for what she wore and her hair? Did you hear this about any of the guys? Why was it that the ladies initial beef with Sarah Palin was, “how would she raise her kids” if she were at the top of the house? This is especially mind-blowing when you stop to think if the guys behave this way and the answer is NO, they do not! In fact, if a new executive man moves to the headquarters of the new job, he doesn’t get a home in his boss’s neighborhood. No, in fact, he buys a home in his boss’ neighborhood; he sends his kids to the same private school of the big hitter and he goes to the same church. And, you think this doesn’t have an impact on his future promotion timing or his raises? Really? So you see, the guys take care of their own while women are busy taking out their own.

Yes, I know there are some amazing women out there (and thankfully, I have met them) who truly support women. They raise up their voices in meetings where they were ignored and they ensure that everyone knows of Shelly’s, Angela’s, and every other woman when the next opening comes up for promotion. However, this must stop with other women taking pot shots at women! It is a behavior that produces nothing good and it is a big reason women struggle to make it to the next level. Ladies, I know you have it in you to reach out and rise up a woman each day. Let’s all try to do that and let’s stop the negativity. Let’s nip that in the bud and promote the talents and give confidence to each woman we know! It’s the right thing to do as a leader, and I know we are all amazing leaders!

I just have one wish: Please support just one woman a day. Write a nice email about a woman, raise up the voice of one woman, or compliment a woman once per day and eliminate the stories I continue to hear each day of women not supporting other women. And then, let’s see what happens!

By Julie Gilbert

Share this Article

Recommended

See all
CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE to Your PINK eNewsletter.

What’s Hot
See all

Little Pink Book