How to Go on Vacation Without Losing Your Mind First

Vacation starts Friday.

Which means Thursday looks something like this:

Finish everything at work.

Pack.

Do laundry.

Find the passports.

Charge everything.

Cancel something.

Confirm something.

Take the dog somewhere.

Figure out who’s watering the plants.

Clean out the refrigerator.

Answer 37 emails.

Set the out-of-office message.

Realize you don’t have sunscreen.

Run to Target.

And somewhere around midnight, while staring at an open suitcase, wonder:

Why is relaxing so much work?

Getting away is wonderful.

Getting ready to get away can feel like a second job.

And women often carry a disproportionate share of the invisible planning that makes family life—and therefore family travel—actually happen.

So before your next trip, don’t just plan where you’re going.

Plan how you’re leaving.

1. Start a “Leaving List”

Not a packing list.

A leaving list.

These are the things that need to happen because you’re going away:

Pet care.

Mail.

Plants.

Prescriptions.

Bills.

Packages.

Transportation.

Passports.

School or camp arrangements.

House sitter.

Work coverage.

Refrigerator.

Trash.

Security.

Anything that would otherwise pop into your head at 2 a.m. the night before departure.

Start the list a week or two ahead rather than trusting your brain to remember everything Thursday night.

Your brain has enough going on.

Stop using it as a storage unit.

2. Check Your Passport Before You Book the Dream

There’s a special kind of panic that occurs when you discover your passport expired six months ago.

Check yours early.

Really early.

If you’re traveling internationally, also check the entry requirements for your destination. Some countries require that a passport remain valid for a period beyond your travel dates, and requirements vary by destination.

The U.S. State Department is the place to check current passport processing information and destination-specific requirements.

And while you’re at it, make sure you know whether you need a visa or other travel authorization.

Paris is considerably less charming when you’re viewing it from the wrong side of immigration.

3. Put the Important Stuff Somewhere You Can Find It

Flight confirmations.

Hotel information.

Rental car.

Train tickets.

Passports.

Travel insurance.

Event tickets.

Important addresses.

Emergency contacts.

Put everything in one easily accessible digital location—and consider having offline copies of essential information in case you can’t immediately get online.

Share the itinerary with someone at home when appropriate.

And take a picture or secure digital copy of important documents.

You don’t need a three-ring travel binder.

You just don’t want to be standing at a rental-car counter searching 14,000 emails for the confirmation number.

4. Tell Your Money You’re Traveling

Traveler’s checks?

We’re going to leave those in 2010.

Instead, think about how you’ll actually pay.

Bring more than one payment method, particularly for international travel. Know whether your credit card charges foreign transaction fees. Keep a backup card separate from your primary wallet.

And don’t assume your debit card is always the smartest way to pay for everything while traveling.

Also consider what happens if your wallet disappears.

Do you know how to contact your card issuer?

Could you access another form of payment?

A little preparation is much more pleasant than figuring it out from a hotel lobby in another country.

5. Pack Outfits, Not Possibilities

You probably don’t need 11 pairs of shoes.

Plan around the actual itinerary.

Travel day.

Dinner.

Beach.

Meeting.

Hike.

Museum.

Whatever you’re really doing.

Choose a loose color palette and pieces that work together. Rewear things. Use accessories to change the look.

And stop packing for Fantasy Vacation You.

Fantasy Vacation You wears the fabulous dress and four-inch heels to dinner.

Actual Vacation You has walked 17,000 steps and would like comfortable sandals and pasta.

Pack for her.

She’s the one taking the trip.

6. Build the Carry-On That Can Save the Day

Assume your checked bag might take a different vacation than you do.

Keep the things you truly can’t be without in your carry-on:

Medication.

Identification.

Phone charger.

Glasses or contacts.

Essential toiletries.

A change of underwear.

Something you could wear tomorrow.

Anything valuable or difficult to replace.

For an important business trip or special event, think carefully about what absolutely needs to arrive when you do.

Your presentation outfit may deserve a seat in the carry-on more than your fourth pair of shoes deserves space in the suitcase.

7. Don’t Make Mom the Cruise Director

Family vacation shouldn’t mean one person moves her unpaid logistics operation to a prettier location.

Let everyone carry some of the load.

Older children can pack their own entertainment and help with their clothes.

Partners can handle reservations, documents, pet arrangements or transportation.

Give people actual ownership—not “helping” after you’ve already figured out what needs to be done.

And yes, verify the truly essential things if that’s what helps you sleep at night.

But you shouldn’t have to personally remember every swimsuit, charger and toothbrush belonging to every human in your family.

Their vacation shouldn’t become your project.

8. Prepare the House for Your Return

Here’s a lovely gift you can give Future You:

Don’t leave her a disaster.

Take out the trash.

Run the dishwasher.

Deal with food that will spoil.

Put fresh sheets on the bed if you’re feeling particularly ambitious.

Make sure essential bills are scheduled.

And think about your first meal home.

Coming back from a wonderful trip is significantly less wonderful when you open the refrigerator to spoiled milk and realize nobody has clean underwear.

You don’t need to deep-clean the house before vacation.

Just make reentry a little easier.

9. If You’re Driving, Give the Car a Little Attention

A road trip is not the ideal moment to discover your tire has been trying to tell you something.

Before a long drive, check basics such as tire condition and pressure, fluids, lights and anything else recommended for your vehicle.

Make sure you have roadside-assistance information and an appropriate emergency kit.

And don’t let your fuel level become part of the adventure.

The goal is a memorable road trip.

Just preferably not memorable because you spent four hours beside an interstate.

10. Leave Work Before You Leave Town

This may be the hardest one.

Don’t simply move your office into your suitcase.

Tell colleagues and clients you’ll be away.

Identify who can handle genuinely urgent matters.

Set an out-of-office message.

Finish what truly must be finished.

Then decide what can wait.

Because something will always be unfinished.

If your standard for going on vacation is “Everything at work is completely handled,” you may never leave.

And resist writing:

“I’ll have limited access to email.”

If what you actually mean is:

“I will check it 19 times a day from the beach.”

Give Yourself a Landing Day

If you have the vacation time and flexibility, here’s one of the best luxuries you can give yourself:

Come home before you have to go back.

One day.

No sightseeing.

No work.

No airport.

Just laundry, groceries, unpacking, sleep and remembering what time zone you’re in.

You don’t have to squeeze every possible minute out of the destination.

Sometimes the difference between returning refreshed and returning exhausted is simply having a little margin.

And Then Actually Go

This may be the most important item on the checklist.

Once you’ve done the planning, stop planning.

Something will go wrong.

A restaurant will lose the reservation.

It will rain.

Someone will forget something.

The flight will be delayed.

The children will complain.

The hotel room won’t look exactly like the photo.

That’s travel.

Don’t spend the vacation trying to execute it perfectly.

You didn’t take time off to manage another project.

You took time off to have a life.

Pink POV

You shouldn’t need a vacation from preparing for your vacation.

Make the list. Share the load. Pack less. Put the important things somewhere you can find them. Give work a plan for surviving without you.

And then do something surprisingly difficult:

Let it survive without you.

You don’t have to answer the email from the pool.

You don’t have to make every dinner reservation.

You don’t have to ensure every member of your family is having the Best Vacation Ever.

And you definitely don’t have to optimize every minute of your PTO.

You worked hard for this time.

Don’t spend the whole trip managing it.