Making Time for Love
Q: Dear Dr. Sherman,
If I’m working and traveling all the time, how can I make time to have dates and create a great relationship? I want one but I tell myself it’s a lot to handle.
A: Dear Exhausted,
It’s hard to create without taking time to refuel, so my first suggestion would be to pamper yourself and give yourself some ongoing love. This can mean taking baths, getting massages, taking walks on the beach, getting mani/pedis or taking a yoga class. If you give yourself some quiet relaxation time, it will be easier to feel more positive and to reflect upon what is and isn’t working in your life.
Things that are worthwhile often take work, including love relationships. Sure, you could meet someone great on the fly but then you still have to grow and nurture that relationship. Some professionals delegate the ‘meeting people part’ to matchmakers or to virtual dating assistants but in the end it is still you who needs to get to know your mate and will co-create that relationship.
Luckily, today technology allows us to be in touch even whilst abroad or working. There’s text, email, cell phones and Skype. Dating sites allow you to vet and communicate with prospects from anywhere, at any hour. Dating sites also allow you to set up dates in your area, at your convenience (unlike singles events which are scheduled). So modern day tools are helpful in balancing work and personal goals.
Asking yourself some deeper questions may guide you to discover where you are blocked. Here are 5 common examples of emotional things that get in our way:
1. It may be an emotional block- like the fear of letting someone hurt you or losing yourself in a relationship.
2. It may be a confusion of your priorities- ie wanting a relationship but always acting like career is more important and not making time for dating.
3. It may be a limiting belief- like the idea that you can’t have a successful career and a great romantic relationship, or the belief that men won’t like such an independent and successful woman and therefore you will be rejected.
4. It may be a fear of setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself-perhaps you’re afraid to tell your boss that you want to leave two days a week (for personal reasons ) by 7 pm.
5. It may be a fear of being uncomfortable and unfamiliar -because you’re used to shining at work but you haven’t dated in awhile and you like to do what you’re already great at. But, as you know, you can’t avoid the things that you want to succeed at because they take practice.
There can be many other blocks but you get the idea. Only by identifying what stops you, can you then work on it, move around it and start walking down the road you want to travel next.
I know you can do it. Try making a plan to join some dating sites and write a few dating prospects a week, with a goal of having two dates a week. Create blocks of time in your existing schedule for this to manifest and remember to remind yourself that you’re a great catch and some person will be lucky to have you!
My Best in Love,
Dr. Paulette Sherman is a psychologist and dating coach who specializes in helping career women attract mates who support their dreams too. She also helps married career women balance career and home goals with their mate. She’s the author of “Dating From the Inside Out”, “When Mars Women Date” and “The Mars Women in Relationships Workbook” and does phone coaching internationally. Tweet us your questions on dating, relationships plus developing shared partnership at work and home goals and Dr. Sherman will answer one question monthly for PINK readers. If you wish to remain anonymous you can also email Dr. Sherman directly at [email protected] and include ‘Ask Dr. Sherman for Little PINK Book’ in the subject line.
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